


without you i am colorblind

by popkozume



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Colors, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mental Breakdown, avoid chapter two if you're easily triggered, explicit description of blood in chapter two, iwa-chan is an idiot, oikawa has problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2018-06-05 05:07:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6690901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/popkozume/pseuds/popkozume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oikawa Tooru always knew he was destined to be with his childhood friend, Iwaizumi Hajime. However, the same is not to be said about his dear Iwa-chan. </p><p>OR</p><p>Oblivious Hajime doesn't realize his feelings until his best friend gets hurt (to say the least).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the discovery

**Author's Note:**

> i made this idea when texting my bffl so s/o to jayde for yelling at me for making such a sad story (i added the happy ending bc of her complaints)

“Without you I am color blind; it’s raining every time I open my eyes.” -Troye Sivan, BLUE

Colors always intrigued him, ever since he was a “little tyke”, according to his parents. He read too many picture books, and the majority of them included that special word.

Color.

He vaguely remembered asking his mother and father about it. “Mama, Papa, what is this… color thingy? How come I can’t see it? Is there something wrong with me?” he demanded.

His parents laughed at his last question. “No, no, there’s nothing wrong with you, Tooru,” his mother working to sweetly soothe her son’s young anxieties.

“No one can see color in the beginning, Tooru,” his father continued, “However, when you meet the one,” he glanced at his wife, “you can see all the brilliant sunrises and sunsets. You may see the spectrum of colors in all it’s glory.”

Tooru frowned, _That seems like it’ll take a long time_ , he internally complained. However, his mother caught onto his annoyance.

“Tooru, stop making that face.” Tooru quickly changed his expression, previously unaware he had his face contorted into an ugly grimace. “You’ll find your soulmate one day, sweetheart.”

“But when will that day be? I don’t want to live without the prettiness!” he exclaimed.

His father softly chuckled. “I don’t know why, but it seems you’ll find them sooner than expected. Look forward to it, son.”

It really had been soon. No longer than a year had passed until Tooru entered elementary school. He tried to make friends with the other boys, but he seemed to fit in better with the girls. Tooru passed it off as the boys not being able to acknowledge his pure amazingness.

But when a new student entered his class, he seemed oddly attracted to this ruffian-looking boy. The spiky hair, beefy build, and scary face should’ve made him realize that this boy would tease him like the rest, but nonetheless, Tooru decided to introduce himself during lunch.

He knew that the boy wouldn’t have a place to sit, so before he left the classroom, Tooru asked him to sit with him. The boy looked dubious, but still agreed, realizing it would be good to gain some friends.

“My name is Iwaizumi Hajime, by the way. Just in case you didn’t hear.”  
“Hi Iwa-chan! My name is Oikawa Tooru!” he exclaimed while pointing to himself with both thumbs.

The newly dubbed “Iwa-chan” looked horrified. “What is Iwa-chan?” he demanded, still obviously annoyed.

Tooru shrugged, and nonchalantly spoke as he said, “We aren’t close enough for me to call you Hajime, and Iwaizumi is too long. Iwa-chan~. It has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?” The child was excited that this boy sitting next to him actually hadn’t made fun of him yet.

Hajime glared at Tooru, and sighed. “Something tells me I’ll never win this argument. So, fine, meanie-kawa,” he said looking proud of himself.

Tooru scoffed. “I am not mean! You’re the meanie, Iwa-chan! So mean, Iwa-cha~n!” But in the process of mock-yelling at Hajime, his voice went up an octave unexpectedly,

Hajime laughed at the horror that was his new friend’s expression, and laughed at the annoyance on his face. He doubled over, unable to control his cackling, and placed his hand on Tooru’s shoulder.

That was the moment when the child’s life changed forever.

Suddenly, the still-child Tooru saw all the colors his father had described to him. _The sky was a brilliant blue._ He turned to the buildings. _Brown_ , He remembered. He desperately rotated to the food on the table. There was a yellow water bottle, green lettuce, and red tomatoes. The child was overwhelmed; tears quickly filled his eyes. He hastily wiped them away, but not fast enough.

“Oikawa? What’s wrong?”

 _Oh no._ Tooru slowly turned to Hajime. This boy, his new friend, caused him to see color. _This is not good_ , Tooru fretted. _It’s okay, I’ll just make up a lie._ “I just saw colors when you touched me,” tumbled out of his mouth. Dang it. That’s not what was supposed to happen.

“Colors? What’s that?”

Tooru was left shellshocked. “You… don’t know what colors are?”

Hajime was highly confused, and such was obvious on his face. But the pale face of his new friend snapped him back into reality. “Are you ill?” He stood up. “Should I take you to the nurse?”

Tooru was about to shake his head no, and explain himself to his Iwa-chan, but decided against it as a wave of nausea rolled over him. He nodded weakly, and waved his arms in the air as to say, _Help me please!_  
Hajime nodded, and helped Tooru limp off to the nurse’s office. Tooru felt sick to his stomach. He found his soulmate, but his soulmate didn’t recognize anything. _Was he destined to be alone?_ The thought made Tooru even more queasy, and he requested to be taken home.

The thought lingered that night, as he went to bed.

_Will I be lonely forever?_


	2. the second discovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been writing this for the past month it better be good
> 
> thanks again to jayde for beta reading
> 
> apparently this can fit into 81 android text messages so that seems promising

_“And I promised I’d be there, but you don’t make it easy.” - Oh Wonder, Drive_

 

Time had passed, and the constant vibrant hues was a heart-wrenching reminder for a young Oikawa Tooru, who quite honestly, was simply _done_ . He was done with his unrequited soulmate. He was _done_ with his oblivious best friend. He was _so done_ with the universe’s fuck-up.

 

But he was also scared.

 

Scared that Iwaizumi remembered how he said that they were soulmates. Scared that Iwaizumi secretly hated the obsessive, possessive Oikawa. Scared that he saw colors for _someone else._

 

Tooru knew how to cover up his feelings. He had learned how to the very day he got rejected as a measly child. He was extremely good at manipulation, as pathetic a quality it was. He could make anyone believe something, if he wanted. Hajime was always a separate subject. Hajime’s special quality was reading people. He knew when Tooru was feeling down, and immediately questioned him. _But I’m always dejected now, so he can’t even tell anymore,_ he scoffed internally.

 

A loud knock on the door shook him from his thoughts.

 

“Oi, Shittykawa! What the hell’s taking you so long?”

 

_Oh. I went to the restroom, didn’t I._

 

“Iwa-chan, miss me already?”

 

Oikawa knew Hajime could see right through those words. He could see through Tooru’s paper-thin mask.

 

Hajime audibly sighed, and Tooru could imagine how he was probably slumped over, silently cursing at him. As an attempt to salvage any hope of conversation, he said, “Fine, fine, I was… _stalling_ …”

 

Hajime inhaled deeply. Tooru quickly flushed the toilet, and burst out. Hajime immediately slapped his head, and yelled, “ _What type of sorry pun was that, Trashykawa_?!”

 

“ _Iwa-chan, you savage_ ! _Get off me, you hulking beast_!”

 

An unsuspecting underclassman was standing outside the restroom. He gulped when he saw his elders walking out. He tried stammering out a sentence, but Tooru wasn’t having it.

 

“Shut it, Tobio-chan. Go away! It’s like you’re stalking me!”

 

Poor Tobio was an innocent, naive, little boy, and thought nothing of the blatant insult thrown at him. He hopped away, unaware of the seething Tooru behind him.

 

“That little brat, who does he-!”

 

“ _Who do you think you are, all high and mighty_ ?! _That poor boy is_ infatuated _with you_ , _and you know it_ ! _Why do you hurt him so much_ , _Tooru_ , _you fucking_ sadist!” Hajime angrily turned his back and walked the other way.

 

 

 

_You’ve done it now, Tooru,_ the voice sneered.

 

No, I’ve done this before, he’ll take me back. He desperately fought for control of his mind, but he knew his efforts were fruitless.

 

_One too many times, Oi-chan! Just imagine what he thinks of you!_

 

He… must think so lowly of me.

 

_I mean, who wouldn’t? You’re bullying an underclassman, for goodness sake! What type of person does that?_

 

I’m a fucking idiot.

 

_You are, Oi-chan. And he can’t love you, while on the subject. He doesn’t even see colors!_

 

No…

 

_Put those colors to good use, and make your skin as red as those damn Chapsticks._

 

“Red...blood. Make blood.” Tooru couldn’t think of anything else. Just the words, repeating endlessly in his head. _Red. Blood. Skin. Red. Bloo-_

 

“Tooru! Snap out of it!”

 

Tooru vacantly turned to face the frantic voice. “What is it, Iwaizumi-san?”

 

Hajime, in that moment, knew everything was wrong. _Who the_ fuck _is “Iwaizumi-san”? This isn’t Oikawa. This isn’t_ my _Oikawa._ He knelt down, and quivering, he examined every inch of Tooru. He gaped as he saw the glint of metal. _Holy shit, why does he have a-_

 

Tooru caused a slight disturbance by passing out…

 

on his knife.

 

Hajime let out a gutteral cry, and none other than Tobio himself came speeding down the hall. “What happened, Iwaizumi-san? Is Oi-?” Tobio paused, looking down at the knife deeply impaled in Tooru’s right knee. He cried out a stammering “I-I’ll ca-call an-n ambul-bulance!”

 

Hajime could distantly hear Tobio’s desperate voice on the phone with paramedics. All he could think was, _How could I not have noticed? Some shit friend I am._

 

He finally let out a single tear. The sad, salty droplet rolled down Hajime’s face. It soon was followed by a torrent of saltwater. He cried--no, _sobbed_ over his best friend’s unconscious body. It was then, that he saw what Tooru had blurted out a good eight years ago.

 

Colors.

 

The redness of Tooru’s knee; the thick, red blood timidly flowing out of the tied up shirt around it.

 

The brown of Tooru’s hair; usually curly and perfect, now frizzy, and slightly red with escaped blood.

 

The deep blue of Tooru’s sweater; the bottom gradients into the same sick, twisted red taking over Tooru’s body.

 

In this dark and desolate moment, Hajime realized something very important.

 

_I love you, Tooru._

 

The thought echoed in his head as the paramedic cars’ wails came closer. He absently carried Tooru’s limp body out the door, making sure Tobio was following, and that the knife wouldn’t dislodge itself.

 

_I love Tooru._

 

The paramedics asked how this happened. Hajime replied.

 

_I love Tooru._

 

The doctor asked if he would like him to prepare a bed for him. Hajime nodded.

 

_I love Tooru._

 

The lights turned off, and the beeping machines lulled Hajime to sleep.

 

_I love Tooru._

 

Hajime slowly drifted off to sleep, but still thought:

 

_I love Oikawa Tooru, my best friend. Well, shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not sorry


	3. this is dead LMAO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uhhhhh sorry for being dead for 3 million years (actually just one and a half but)

uh hey y’all it’s ya girl, ME 

and honestly idk why this fic didn’t crash and burn?? why didn’t it honestly my writing was trash back then LMAOO

but this fic is like completely dead! i’m not into haikyuu anymore (i’m musical trash whee) so.,,, sorry? i guess? this fic makes me wanna gag it’s rly bad but uh thanks for the support while it lasted i guess haha

ok thank u bye


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